Last Stand

It's bitterly cold as the faint false dawn brightens the air. Tomin wanted a chance to meditate before the push they'd be making today, but not in the ship. She's fighting for this world and the people on it, her home, not for the Republic, and she'd rather connect to the Force out here in the forest.

And there's another now. Somehow, she thinks Snowflake will have an easier time finding his own focus out here, rather than in, admittedly nice, meditation room on the ship. She knows there's a grove that feels particularly connected to the world's wellbeing, but it can be hard to find...and today is not her day to get there. Not without taking more time than makes sense.

She's begun to cast around for a space that can at least be cleared of snow to sit on when a presence catches her attention, off at the edge of perception through the trees. She pauses a moment before quietly catching Snowy's attention. "Don't startle, but we have a friend off over there." As if waiting for a sign that it has their attention, it soon turns, takes a few steps, then looks back at them before continuing on. "We should probably follow, don't you think?"

The Gigoran was moving with slow steps to begin with, the white-blueish fur shifting in the cold wind as he tried with each step, each sound from the firs moving about in the wind and the snow giving way under their feet to draw on the connection Tomin had mentioned a few times.

Snowflake did find it easier to settle his mind down in a place like this. Somewhat easier, at least - keeping his mind from wandering into unwanted places was still a work in process. But the wind, the cold, the trees, all of that helped bring him to more comfortable places than the constant reminder of conflict in the Dawn.

Tomin's words quickly catch his attention, though, and his eyes are soon set on the presence mentioned. Slowly, carefully, as if convinced his big size and not-so-delicate movements would spook the creature at the slightest mistake, he nods. But for now, he waits, careful not to step too soon, too loud, too confidently.

The great Hart is so pale it almost glows...does glow in the Force sight Tomin relies on. She nods to the creature and follows where it leads, speaking quietly.

"Was called out a while back to help deal with a hunter and...weird scientist type, I guess. They were hunting the vessel the forest's spirit manifests as. Pretty terrible stuff and wildly ignorant." She nods toward the hart as they go. "That vessel showed up like that. Now, no knowing if there's only the one, or they can show things in the Force whenever...though if you see it with your light-seeing eyes, it's probably the same one and not just a Force vision."

She's smiling as she follows. "You might see if you sense anything about it that you wouldn't, or couldn't know just looking at it. The Force isn't always showy."

It leads them along paths that are definitely not trails for a while, before pausing in a small clearing of wide, cracked stones surrounded by trees. There's no snow, and the sun feels warm (warm for Obroa-skai, at least. Tomin's keeping the thermal cloak on). Tomin nods to see it. "That's stone that's heaved up from underneath, rather than fallen. Bones of the earth there."

Tomin wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 11, 2023 5:38 pm

The great Hart is so pale it almost glows...does glow in the Force sight Tomin relies on. She nods to the creature and follows where it leads, speaking quietly.

"Was called out a while back to help deal with a hunter and...weird scientist type, I guess. They were hunting the vessel the forest's spirit manifests as. Pretty terrible stuff and wildly ignorant." She nods toward the hart as they go. "That vessel showed up like that. Now, no knowing if there's only the one, or they can show things in the Force whenever...though if you see it with your light-seeing eyes, it's probably the same one and not just a Force vision."

She's smiling as she follows. "You might see if you sense anything about it that you wouldn't, or couldn't know just looking at it. The Force isn't always showy."

It leads them along paths that are definitely not trails for a while, before pausing in a small clearing of wide, cracked stones surrounded by trees. There's no snow, and the sun feels warm (warm for Obroa-skai, at least. Tomin's keeping the thermal cloak on). Tomin nods to see it. "That's stone that's heaved up from underneath, rather than fallen. Bones of the earth there."

The story about a hunter and a weird scientist hunting the forest's spirit got Snowie quite agitated. "We do hunt sometimes in the clan", he said, pensive. "I wonder if we could have done something like that not knowing what we were doing... would be terrible if we did!"

Hoping they didn't, but clearly unsure - as Tomin can surely perceive through the Force - he follows the Hart's guidance through the forest, and at some point even decides to try and close his eyes for a while. Could he sense the Hart? He could sense the wind, the cold, the snow making way under his large paws, and...

THUMP

The large Gigoran opens his eyes again with a jolt, just in time to avoid falling face-first in the snow. He could sense... something. But 'light-seeing' the Hart was defintely much easier for him still. He looked at Tomin with some awe, just as they were getting to the clearing the Hart brought them to - and apparently even the sudden loud noise of him stumbling on some fallen branches didn't scare the creature away. Was it attracted to them, for some reason?

At any rate, his stumbling was a rather obvious reminder for him. He was still barely able to see, or sense, the life, paths, and energy flowing around him. He had so much to learn and improve!

And at times it was still quite hard to keep that fear at bay. Anger, not so much - ot not yet, at least, as he would find out later in the day...

Tomin's lips curl in smile before a short chuckle. "Probably safe enough right here, but mostly you'll want to practice 'seeing' with the Force in places where you're less likely to run into dangerous things. The forest can finish your learning right fast."

She offers a bit of a bow, hand to heart, in the direction of their guide. "Thank you for your guidance. I hope we'll have the violent interlopers gone soon and you can go back to...whatever's normal here." Maybe she can seek some answers about the Geist then, assuming she's still around then.

To Snowflake, she adds, "No worries about the Alpine folks there. They organized the pair of use they thought could help out the vessel. They've got their darker side, but they don't want to see the forest harmed like that."

She finds a sun-warmed stone, flat enough for a seat, not worrying herself overmuch as whether the hart left about its business or stayed to observe. Either was fine, but didn't need any action on her part. "Don't suppose you've tried meditation before? It's not real high on the list of skills most folks pick up.

Snowie looks a bit abashed after his ill-fated attempt at 'force-seeing', keeping his head down as he nods to Tomin. But he's soon looking intently and respectfully at their guide again. He wouldn't have thought of speaking to it like Tomin does. Maybe she knew how to make spirits understand them? Or... was that something he could learn too?

He smiled. There was so much he had never thought about, or felt. He remembered some folks back in the old homeclan did things like that, speaking to the land. Maybe he would have learnt to do so if he had grown up among them...

Tomin soon mentions his current clan, though. He nods at her, relieved. "That's good to know! I don't think the clan would want to harm our land!"

He then look at the stone the look'em moved towards, then back up at her. "I... think ms Tomin was the first who ever mentioned it to Snowflake. Well, that, and we were working on that room on the Dawn... but I wasn't really sure what it should be used for while we were working on it!"

She nods as she brushes at a spot to clear any debris and hops up to sit comfortably cross-legged. "The room there's set up for what most think is a good meditating space, soft lighting and quiet. But my master told me that meditation's about training your attention, so really anyplace can work."

"There's a lot of..focus, so sitting's easier to start with. I know folks who prefer moving meditations, but..." she pats a tree in arm's reach, "like trying to use Force Sight, it can make you a bit oblivious to basic sight, and then you run into things."

"But either way, it starts with focus and clearing things aside so your attention can actually spot things. Clear away your thoughts to actually notice them..." She pauses with smile and sigh. "But that's kind of putting your trailer ahead of the hauler. Have seat and we'll start with a frosty breathing exercise."

She leads him through a pretty standard sort of exercise to focus on breathing, letting the mind clear to just watch thoughts and feelings as they scramble around and flow by, but not to grab onto them. So 'I'm hungry' just becomes a thing to notice and doesn't lead the attention down a trail of planning to find a meal.

The glade is conducive, with enough sun to keep Tomin from getting chilled with the lack of movement, and certainly enough to keep the heavily-furred Gigoran from discomfort. It isn't silent. There is a constant whisper of small movement, from wind up at the treetops, to branches shifting as tree-dwellers run along them, to distant creaks and grinds of lake ice, and the calls of birds and branch-horned feka calling for mates down near the water.

Tomin wrote: ↑

Fri Mar 17, 2023 3:45 am

She nods as she brushes at a spot to clear any debris and hops up to sit comfortably cross-legged. "The room there's set up for what most think is a good meditating space, soft lighting and quiet. But my master told me that meditation's about training your attention, so really anyplace can work."

"There's a lot of..focus, so sitting's easier to start with. I know folks who prefer moving meditations, but..." she pats a tree in arm's reach, "like trying to use Force Sight, it can make you a bit oblivious to basic sight, and then you run into things."

"But either way, it starts with focus and clearing things aside so your attention can actually spot things. Clear away your thoughts to actually notice them..." She pauses with smile and sigh. "But that's kind of putting your trailer ahead of the hauler. Have seat and we'll start with a frosty breathing exercise."

She leads him through a pretty standard sort of exercise to focus on breathing, letting the mind clear to just watch thoughts and feelings as they scramble around and flow by, but not to grab onto them. So 'I'm hungry' just becomes a thing to notice and doesn't lead the attention down a trail of planning to find a meal.

The glade is conducive, with enough sun to keep Tomin from getting chilled with the lack of movement, and certainly enough to keep the heavily-furred Gigoran from discomfort. It isn't silent. There is a constant whisper of small movement, from wind up at the treetops, to branches shifting as tree-dwellers run along them, to distant creaks and grinds of lake ice, and the calls of birds and branch-horned feka calling for mates down near the water.

He listens attentively as his mentor explains what this 'meditation' thing was all about. Moving, or sitting... he liked moving, but given his experience coming here sitting might be a better idea ideed.

It just then occurred to him. Mentor. He had heard the word used in other contexts here and there, and he wasn't even sure how or why it came to him now. She definitely hadn't used it to refer to herself. But in a way... it sounded kinda fitting. He shrugged off a chill as he started considering again what might have happened if... if that connection thing just kept on going unhinged. And especially so at a time like this...

But that didn't happen, thankfully. Thanks to a colleague, a friend... and a mentor.

The thought brought a silly smile to his lips as his thoughts came back to the present and he found himself actually hearing Tomin's voice again, guiding him through the breathing exercises.

The sounds were relaxing. They sent his mind far away - to sounds that weren't the same, but were like these. Animals chirping and scratching. Trees swinging about. The wind whistling.

Unwittingly, and as unfortunately usual for him, the comfortable thoughts were assailed by other ones.

He shifted about, moved legs, back, his arms as if in some discomfort. Forced his eyes to keep them shut. Shook his head to one side, then another, all the time trying to fight that back and keep quiet.

At some point, however, it all seemed like too much.

"Ms Tomin...", he asks in a voice that's deep but, in a way, almost childlike. "What should we do about the screams? Can we calm them down?"

Screams that Tomin would be unable to hear, of course. Clearly not coming from anywhere in the outside world.

For her part, Tomin 'watches' from the still place that she's learned to use when accessing the Force, letting Snowflake wrestle with his discomfort for a bit. He speaks before she needs to ask what he's found in the space left when you set surface thoughts aside.

"That depends," she answers calmly. "Are these screams you always hear, or only now as you clear things away? Can you tell where..or when... they're coming from?" she pauses to consider and add, "you can chose where to place your attention. Screams are likely to be distressing when looked at more closely so be sure you're ready to look. Remember that those emotions aren't able to help address pain in the present, and definitely can't do anything about the past. They can cloud the awareness you're trying to build."

A long breath, slower on the exhale, to let him think about it. To let her own worry--that she's not at all qualified to lead someone through their internal terrain like this--surface to be acknowledged, but not wallowed in. "You're not trying to avoid feelings though, it's more like recognizing that they're a part of you, but not actually you. Like the pain of a stubbed toe is an important message, and a powerful one at that. But you are not that pain, and you need to keep yourself functional around it."

Tomin wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 18, 2023 7:19 am

snip

Snowflake seems to do his best to hold together and focus on Tomin's words rather than the screams - not without effort. "They come often, miss Tomin... all too often. Too many nights, too often when there's nothing else to focus on." His voice is ridden with tones of pain and notes of grief. "I keep trying to look away. Sometimes I can. But when I think I've managed to shake it off they come back..."

He takes a long breath along with her, but lets it out raggedly instead of slowly and steadily. "I... I want to hear them properly, look at them properly. But whenever I try...."

Another long, deep breath. This time he manages to let it out more slowly. "I... I think I'm afraid if I look at them I won't remember their faces. And... I hate that I can't do anything for them - for us - now. And... these bad people. I know they must still be out there, doing the same thing. This all..."

He falls silent. His face is clearly still somewhat twisted - in anger? Pain? Fear? It's hard to say. But gradually, very slowly, his expression seems to change and relax. "I... I don't think I could ever put these thoughts together in words properly, miss Tomin."

Apparently just being able to do so helps, already.

Quietly, Tomin says, "I don't have the experience to be sure what's going on there, but looking away? That's not going to work...almost ever. And I've got a real head start on not seeing things, if I want to." There's a *shuuuf-shiff* sort of noise of thermalwear sliding on stone, before the soft thud of booted feet on the ground. Tomin steps closer and rests a hand gently on Snowflake's much larger one.

"If you've forgotten their faces, that's ok. That's probably not what they, or you, need remembered. But...look, and I'll be with you. Remember that there's no shame in not being able to change the past, and that we do what we can now, but our reach is often only as long as our arms, and yours have done a lot of good here on Obroa-skai."